Monday, December 31, 2007

New Years rezzy numero one

I'm going to crank that Heisman like Kellen Winslow on the first woman who tries to steal a stroke of midnight kiss from yours truly on the dawning of 2008.

In the Battle for Independence, freedom comes at a high price...

Okay, Bama actually improved upon last season's 6-7 campaign, and the 30-24 Independence Bowl victory is a nice end to a very schizophrenic season. For the first 25 minutes of last night' contest, the Tide played some of it best football of the season. Matt Caddell played like an All-American and even partially blocked a punt. Nikita Stover's front flip into the end zone was hilariously awesome, and Rolando McClain was making some tremendous hits on the Buffaloes. Then, Wilson tossed a pick and Bama became Bama. Colorado almost came back, but Bama was able to prevent a crazy lateral-infused final play from going the distance, thus preserving the victory. Obviously, Colorado isn't a great team, but did earn victories of Oklahoma and Nebraska this season. Alabama's largest problem was highlighted throughout the second half, and that malady is the team's ability to play consistently for a 60-minute period. Saban is really trying to get the players to put forth the same effort on every play, but this has been Bama's problem all season long. Hopefully, a better, more-focused Tide will take the field next September.

On a side note, I suffered a football related injury from celebrating late in the game. I leapt in the air and landed hard on my ankle. In my inebriated state, I was still able to dance after the win, but, this morning, it looked as if a tennis ball was in place of my ankle. Not good. I have employed a bag of ice and a self-adhering bandage, so all should be well this evening.

Friday, December 28, 2007

Saban Cranks Dat Cupid Shuffle

Man, Knowshon may crank dat Soulja Boy (sorta), but can Mark Richt or Tommy Tubervile or Houston Nutt cut the rug like Nick Saban? Methinks, not. Apparently, Saban is quite proud of his dancing ability and Bama players like some gay-ass old ladies dance. Yeah, this explains the ULM loss better than any other evidence of ineptitude during the game. Bama players spend more time dancing than they do playing football. Okay, when the Tide scores against Colorado and the whole team does the cupid shuffle, I'll be very impressed. Actually, it's pretty awesome seeing Saban having a good time and tearing it up on the dance floor.

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Bowl Predictions (Completed)

December 20
Poinsettia Bowl: Utah vs Navy: UTAH
December 21
:New Orleans Bowl: Florida Atlantic vs Memphis:Fla Atl.
December 22
: Bowl: Cincinnati vs Southern Mississippi: Cincinnati
4 New Mexico Bowl: New Mexico vs. Nevada: New Mexico
Las Vegas Bowl: BYU vs UCLA: BYU
December 23
Sheraton Hawaii Bowl: East Carolina vs Boise St.: BOISE ST
December 26
Motor City Bowl: Purdue vs Central Michigan: PURDUE
December 27
Holiday Bowl: Texas vs Arizona State: TEXAS
December 28
Champs Sports Bowl: Boston College vs Michigan State: BOSTON COLLEGE
Texas Bowl: TCU vs Houston: TCU
Emerald Bowl: Maryland vs Oregon State: OREGON ST
December 29
Meineke Car Care Bowl: Wake Forest vs Connecticut: WAKE FOREST
Autozone Liberty Bowl: UCF vs Mississippi State: MISSISSIPPI ST
Alamo Bowl: Penn State vs Texas A&M: PENN ST
December 30
Independence Bowl: Colorado vs Alabama: BAMA
December 31
Armed Forces Bowl: Air Force vs California: AIR FORCE
Sun Bowl: South Florida vs Oregon: SOUTH FORIDA
Humanitarian: Georgia Tech vs Fresno State: GA TECH
Gaylords Hotels Music City: Kentucky vs Florida State: Kentucky
Chick-fil-A: Auburn vs Clemson: AUBURN
Insight: Indiana vs Oklahoma State: OK ST
January 1
Outback: Wisconsin vs Tennessee: TENNESSEE
Cotton: Missouri vs Arkansas: MISSOURI
Gator: Virginia vs Texas Tech: TEXAS TECH
Capital One: Michigan vs Florida: FLORIDA
Rose: USC vs Illinois: USC
Sugar: Hawaii vs Georgia: UGA
January 2
Fiesta: Oklahoma vs West Virginia: OKLAHOMA
January 3
Orange: Virginia Tech vs Kansas: VA TECH
January 5
International: Rutgers vs Ball State: RUTGERS
January 6
GMAC: Tulsa vs Bowling Green: TULSA
January 7
BCS National Championship Game: Ohio State vs LSU: LSU

Tuesday, December 25, 2007


is Julio Jones in Tuscaloosa next fall. Oh, please Santa, let this one happen.

Oh, woe is's one-eight-seven on the thug apologists

My co-coach J.R. Suicide has written all that matters on the subject of our defeat in the Boozehounds fantasy football finals. None of our players performed well, the lone exceptions being The Bears defense (a team we ingeniously benched) and our kicker (Josh Brown). We sucked it up bigtime and scored fewer points than any other team in the league. However, I feel that this is the nature of the fantasy football playoffs. We made the championship because we didn't have Romo or Brady, who both led fantasy geeks across America to the promised land only to put up zilch two weeks ago. Yeah, no shirts for us this year, no steak dinners and Logan's and no making it rain at Topper's after the would-be victory. So, I sit alone, in my Santa suit in the dark, weeping and drinking a bottle of cheap wine, enjoying the holidays in quiet solitude.

Friday, December 21, 2007

FAU vs Memphis???

Bowl Pick #2:

I pick Florida Atlantic to win, but I'm really dubious of both teams and why anyone would care about, much less attend this game.

Hoover Bucs New Head Coach know Kenniebloggins

Hoover High has named former Glenwood graduate, Southern Miss. quarterback recruit, Alabama walk-on fullback and Oxford head football coach as the replacement to Rush Propst, the batshit crazy screaming freak who led the school to 5 state titles since 2000. I once saw Niblett sit in a chair and throw a football 55 yards,which, at the time, seemed like an impressive feat. Hopefully, he'll be able to match Propst's success in upcoming years and avoid any type of scandalous clandestine lifestyle maladies from which Propst suffered.

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Poinsettia Bowl Prediction

Utah vs Navy

Navy is without head coach Paul Johnson, but I imagine that his presence would make very little difference in this game. Navy takes it hard up the ass, just how they like it during those never-ending submarine voyages. Utah is simply a better team and wins this one 35-17.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

We pop bottles

after Thug Apologists win the boozehounds league this week!

A Pause in your college bowl pick'em selections allows you to take a jaunt down Beat Street

Methinks no time is a bad time for a little Jonzun Crew.

Tellem Texas

This was at the beginning of the season against UCF, and while most of the Longhorns still straight suck at dancing, fewer UGA players were really cranking that shit during the Auburn game. UGA played the song during most home games, but even at the Troy game, a couple of players were basically doin the lean with it rock wit it instead. I dunno if Texas was cranking it by the season's end, or were they like, dude, this shit is played?

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

College Football Mythology 101

Urban Myth #1

The spread option offense is going to revolutionize college football and change the way teams recruit quarterbacks. No longer will a need exist for Peyton Manning-esque quarterbacks who are six-feet, four or five inches tall and weight 240 lb. pocket passers. Now, each and every team will need a lithe quarterback who can run like a gazelle and provide a modicum of a passing attack. This is complete media hype, and if the majority of college coaches actually adhere to this popular philosophy, there will be some sad-ass football fans across the nation. Lots of this speculation is based around two factors. The first factor is that Tim Tebow just won the Heisman Trophy and his team, the Florida Gators, are defending BCS National Champions. The Tebow-led Gators lost three games this year. The major difference between last year's team and this year's team is that the majority of last year's defense moved on to the NFL. Analysts always discuss the difficulty of defending against the spread, but apparently LSU, Georgia and Auburn had little problem accomplishing this task.

The second factor rests in Michigan's hiring of Rich Rodriguez, who has performed well at West Virginia with a Pat White led squad. White is about six feet tall and weighs about a buck eighty-five. Now, he moves to skipper the Big Blue, who should be quarterbacked by ryan Mallet, a six-feet, seven inches Texan, who was considered the second best quarterback coming out of high school and who already has gained valuable game experience as a freshman. So, Michigan is going to bench Mallet for Rodriguez's qb of choice? It'll be interesting to see how this one plays out, but my guess is that Rodriguez will need to hire or keep a good defensive coordinator and recruit some defensive talent to keep Michigan near the top of The Big Ten in upcoming years.

Essentially, the fanatacism of turning to the spread offense is a fad reminscent of the wishbone craze of the late 1970s and early 80's. Ten years from now, a few coaches will run it, but most schools will opt out of the fad once their teams start posting more notches in the loss column.

Monday, December 17, 2007

You are a sunt, my friend

The Big Lead has posted the best Isaiah Thomas footage ever. In this video, he explains what Bobby Knight taught him during his time playing for the Hoosiers. Classic, classic, classic!

Saturday, December 15, 2007


Grab your doobies because the Valdosta State Blazers defeated NW Missouri State to claim the Division II football championship and some hot-handed three-point shooting just moved the UAB Blazers past Kentucky in roundball action. Coincidence? I think not. 4/20 came a wee bit late this year in the South.

Monday, December 10, 2007

The future of the A?

So, Chris Redman is the Falcons starting qb for tonight's Monday Night Football game in the Ga. Dome against the Saints. So far, Redman is 13-20 for 199 yards with a touchdown toss to Roddy White and zero interceptions. And this guy hasn't started a game since 2002. I'm really beginning to wonder if Petrino and Rich McKay will actually draft Brian Brohm next year. That's what I really want, though. I want an Atlanta team filled with former Louisville standouts. Those guys are so much fun to watch in college, that an NFL team with guys like Michael Bush, Elvis Dumerville, Harry Douglas, Brohm and Mario Urrutia would be a lot better than a team with guys like Michael Jenkins, Joey Harrington, Roddy White, Jamaal Anderson and Michael Jenkins. So, from now forward, or until Bobby Petrino leaves Atlanta for an SEC or University of Miami opening, I'm starting the grassroots movement tentatively named "DRAFT/TRADE FOR/SIGN LOUISVILLE NOW, ARTHUR BLANK, YOU SNIVELING DOUCHEBAG!"

Actually, Redman just threw a pick six to former Bama standout Roman Harper. I guess all good things come to an end at some anticipated juncture.

Saturday, December 8, 2007

Got that Wood Baby!

Tonight, a new Heisman Trophy winner will be named, and my guess is that Tim Tebow gets it over Darren McFadden and Colt Brennan. Nobody cares about Chase Daniel. Seriously. All three are amazing college football players and I think valid arguments can be made for each regarding who deserves the trophy. However, my imaginary vote would be cast in McFadden's direction. He is the best offensive player in the nation and should have an ultra-productive NFL career. Brennan and Tebow have bigger stats, but McFadden shared carries with Felix Jones and played on a team with fewer than 10 good players. Regardless of tonight's outcome, McFadden is secure in the fact that he already got that wood!

Wednesday, December 5, 2007


So, I decided to take a few days off from blogging, due to the fact that I've slightly burned out on college football for a moment, and a season as overwhelmingly mediocre as this one almost makes me reassess the possibility that I am a sane human being for loving this sport as much as I do. I keep hearing people say this is the best college football seasons ever, and I keep wondering for whom this season kicks so much ass. For Hawaii fans most definitely, this season has to be the most memorable ever. For Mississippi State and Kentucky fans, it definitely had its tremendous highs and monstrous lows. For the teams featuring coaches who were ready to devour a semen smoothie for a glimpse at that title game, they have all had better seasons, and for Pete Carroll, that guy has the best attitude of any coach I've seen in recent years. He wasn't Mark Richt suggesting that a team that finishes third in its conference and second in its side of the conference should legitimately get the opportunity to play that game. He wasn't Les Miles discussing his team's unbeaten status in regulation games, and he wasn't Bob Stoops ready to go spread eagle and take on the entire BCS committee for another chance to lose or get blown out in a title game. Carroll was pretty fucking cool about the whole ordeal. He knew his team lost to a terrible Stanford team and he took the blame for the loss. He said that his team just "wanted to win forever," which is a pretty good goal for a college football team and its coach. I don't blame the other guys for pandering a bit, though, because that's what they get paid to do.

Saturday, December 1, 2007

I'll have a Chargrilled chicken sanwich, a medium waffle fries an large Coke and, oh, a GHSA high school playoff game to go

This tale I heard this yesterday on 960 am cannot completely verified, but it appears that the GHSA state football playoffs have pulled some Friday Night Lights type site decision making, but have possibly even taken the situation a bit further. A new GHSA rule deems that teams meeting in the playoffs with the same regional seeding will have the home site determined by a coin toss. So, Athens Academy Coach Mike Gunn met with Brookstone (Columbus, Ga.) coach Blair Harrison at a neutral site, a Chick-Fil-A Peachtree City in attempt to determine the site of last night's playoff game. No GHSA officials were present, so the two coaches chose a random customer to flip a coin. Athens Academy won the coin flip and home field advantage for last night's 1A state quarterfinal game. Athens Academy won the game 14-13 on a late touchdown with less than two minutes remaining.
The Spartans are now headed for the Dome for next weekend's semi-final match-up.

Lou Holtz, NBA Coach?

Holtz wearing a Knicks jersey is a good enough start, but when he calls out Marbury and then says something to the effect that a YMCA team can score 59 points, it puts it over the top. I'm glad pep talks don't stop at the end of college football season. I can't wait for his pep talk to American professional tennis players prior to the start of the French Open.

belated, but

Happy Birthday, Bo.

Yesterday marked the the birthday of the greatest running back ever born in the state of Alabama. The Realist salutes Vincent Bo Jackson, 1985 Heisman trophy winner and two sport professional badass. He also should receive the most credit for helping Auburn move to the same level of football awesomeness that Bama had solely enjoyed up until the 1982 season, Bo's freshman year. Here's one that helped notch his legendary Iron Bowl status. ESPN commemorates his greatness here.

And here's how awesome Bo was on Tecmo Super Bowl

And here are some highlights from his Raiders days. This clip features his most famous touchdown run, the 91 yarder against the Seahawks his rookie year during which he disappears into the tunnel and doesn't return for what seems to be a long time. Later in the game, he totally exposes Brian Bosworth by flattening him. From that point on, everything Bo did became part of the legend. From his baseball heroics to more amazing NFL runs,his success really re-opened the doors for other two-sport professional athletes. Today, Bo is a successful businessman, a driver of a hulking pickup a top-notch hunter and father. He's 45, and his legend seems to grow each college football season. If you never saw Bo play. I salute you Bo, master of running backs, smasher of home runs, and killer of wild game.

Thursday, November 29, 2007

The Evil Genius At Work in the Off Season

So, the Evil Genius, I mean Ol' Ball Coach, has been spotted helping out the Dukies in their attempt to field a winning football program. Apparently, he's helped the Blue Devils find their past two coaches. Perhaps, he's been spending time in Durham preserving his legendary status. I think Duke should pay Spurrier 10 million dollars a year to get him back. It would be awesome for public relations with border state football powerhouse South Cackalacky, and, within a few years, Duke might stand a chance of winning the ACC. Thanks to our man in Durham, Old Man Crews, for alerting me about this one. Hopefully, Crews will become a regular contributor at some point in the near future.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Broadway Joe Does Hollywood

Apparently Jake Gyllenhaal is slated to portray Joe Namath in a biopic about the legendary quarterback's life. Namath agreed to have this movie made only after finding out that Gyllenhaal would be playing him. I find a movie about the life of Namath to be very intriguing for several reasons:

1: It may be the first time in the last two decades that my father has left the house to go to a movie theater to see any movie. I think the last movie he saw in the theater was Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom.

2: Seeing if Gyllenhaal will look as good as Joe in a pair of panty hose.

3: Finding out who will portray Bear Bryant. I'm guessing Tom Berenger may be a shoo-in once again after the overwhelming success of The Junction Boys.

4: Waiting to see if Gyllenhaal backs out and if ESPN will purchase the rights to the movie and opt for Wilmer Valderrama to portray Joe Willie. If Joe gets tanked enough, he'll never know the difference.

5: And, finally, anxiously anticipating Suzy Kolber portraying herself.

Seriously, though, this should be a good movie, and especially so if it delves into the darker side of Namath's post-football life.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Turning to the Classics for Inspiration

So when your coach leaves for Tulsa and your offensive coordinator heads for Bama after your school's first successful season in eons, it's time to turn that educated mind toward revenge mode. Or, at least that's what Rice University's marching band did this weeekend during the halftime of their game against Tulsa. And, what could be a better source for revenge than Dante's Divine Comedy? You'll probably read about this elsewhere, but this is just too effing funny to leave out. I'm sure the football fans from Tulsa all fell into What the hell? mode mode when the band pulled this shenanigan. However, Conference USA officials, after hearing that the Owls ave already planned to tackle Ulysses during the UAB game next season and Aristophanes' The Birds against Southern Miss are busy discussing just how to prevent the Rice Band from overeducating the rest of the conference before things get out of hand.

Monday, November 26, 2007

First Nutt and Now Ted Roof? What the Hell is the World Coming To?

Surprisingly, in the wake of a number of NCAA football coaches being fired, including the not-really-then-but- now-surprising "resignation" of Arkansas head coach and total badass Houston Nutt, it seems that Duke University has taken action and fired totally competent head coach Ted Roof. Roof boasted an amazing 6-45 record during his four-year reign as head of the Blue Devils program. Although Roof promised that his team could be bowl eligible "as early as 2008," his positive affirmation fell on deaf ears. However, it is not clear regarding whether he jut meant that Duke would be bowl eligible before the start of the season, through the sixth game, or whether he actually meant that Duke would play in a bowl game. Nah, he couldn't be mean the latter statement could he?

Sunday, November 25, 2007

A Message To You Rudy

Rudy Carpenter hasn't had all that bad of a year. He has thrown for more than 2700 yards and tossed 21 touchdowns. Not exactly Tim Tebow type statistics, but, at the present moment, he has the 14th best quarterback rating in the nation. His most outstanding statistic, however, is that Mr. Carpenter has been sacked an astronomical 48 times, which is only equaled by Andrew Robinson of Syracuse, the 62nd rated passer. If Rudy goes down a few more times in the finale against arch-rival Arizona, he'll be the most sacked quarterback in Division 1A, which is quite an impressive feat, to say the least. You just can't keep Rudy Carpenter on the turf for long. Cut his lip while knocking his helmet off, Ray Maualuga, and what do you get in return? A snarling, pissed off Rudy, just clamoring to be sacked again. He definitely gets the Bama Realist Achievement Award in the area of Excellence in Resilience. That is, unless Mr. Robinson doesn't take the title from him next week.

It's Yo Gabba Gabba Time

It's a dreary Sunday, an the Bears just defeated the Broncos in overtime. So, what time is it? IT's Yo Gabba Gabba time! That's right, time to enjoy this amazing tribute to healthy eating and get some dinner. That is, unless your name hapens to be Devin Hester. In that case, you're probably too busy getting laid to eat.

Coach Ogeron gets a B plus

I've never seen this clip before, but it is from andwas filmed during Ogeron's first season at Ole Miss. These girls sure know their football and the knowledge is even more profound after she has "her votka and her Sprite." Hilarious. And ladies, I think that B plus grade must be a product of immense grade inflation.

Authorial note: I don't think sportjox really wanted me posting the vid here, so here's a link:

i hate myself and I want to stab my self in the face

Not really, but the second half of this football season has to be one of the most depressing ever. LSU murdered Bama, and the Tide has just been an empty facade of a football team since. Depleted. Vapid. Spoiled. Nothingness.

Saturday, November 24, 2007

Bama-Auburn Prediction

So, after publishing my man-up post very very early this morning, I may seem to be backsliding a bit. With less than six hours remaining before kickoff, I'm nervous with anticipation regarding how Alabama will perform. Will the Alabama team that beat Tennessee and Arkansas show p, or will the unsparked, blundering mass of impoverished football that lost to ULM last week take the field on the Plains this eve? Auburn, in a lesser way, has e same problem. Will the Tigers that beat UF at The Swamp in early October re-emerge, or will the team that really didn't play the second half two weeks ago in Athens continue to play poorly. Both teams quarterbacks have been huge factors in their teams' losses this year and Bama lack senior leadership from some of its best players (DJ Hall, Keith Brown and Simeon Castille). If Bama shows a few flashes of brilliance on offense that glistened against Tennessee and plays stellar defense as demonstrated in the LSU game, then Bama has a great chance of ending the five-year drought in the Iron Bowl. However, if a mediocre Tide takes the field, this one could get ugly. I hope Bama wins and I wold take the points, but I think the game will be decided by a two or three point margin. Classic Iron Bowl and I'm not predicting a winner.

Man Up, motherfucker!!!!!!man Up!

Last weekend, Bryant Denny Stadium was listed as a sellout, but when the game started, 20,000 fewer fans than expected showed up following the previous week's lackluster performance against Mississippi State. So, the most embarrassing loss since the loss to Northern Illinois was spawned, and another small, unheralded program (this time ULM) enjoyed a huge win on Alabama's home field. Yeah, Alabama loses to these teams, but remember when the Tide wasted Florida twice in 1999 and still managed to lose to La Tech. The 2000s haven't been kind to The Tide. Believe that shit. This excellent Trillville tune exemplifies what Bama must do against Auburn this year. It's a call to arms for the fans to fucking man up and not be the pussy-ass fans who left the Monroe game at halftime. So, if Bama has a fucking fighting chance against the AU this year, we, the fans, and the team have to man up, motherfuckers. It's that easy.

author's note: this isn't a real Trillville vid, and I don't endorse anime bullshit whatsoever, but it was the best I could get for Man Up. Apparently, this Trillville track isn't on the latest jock jams series, nor was it important enough for the crew to film a proper vid. The song is appropriate for every game played upon a gridiron, and this one in particular.

Friday, November 23, 2007

85 Iron Bowl-As Good As It Gets

This is one of my favorite memories as a kid. I would get sick to my stomach when the Tide would be in a tight game, and once I feigned severe bowel problems when I thought UGA had whipped Alabama. However, the Tide actually won that game and I learned to tough it out. So, our family was huddled in the living room of our new house and my dad's friend Mickey and his family were over watching the game and enjoying a few beverages. I had difficulty watching Van Tiffin line up for the kick and when it became apparent that the kick was good, the whole house erupted. I jumped on my dad's shoulders and he carried me around the room yelling. Everyone in the house was in disbelief of the victory but loving the moment. I think this game, more than any other, helped define my love of the Tide.

Actually, Big Al's roller skate may be the best part of this video. Shula's numbers were so Shula and so 80's Bama, but so perfect for the team. Also, this had to be the biggest win of Ray Perkins' career, and the flustered look on Pat Dye's face makes the comeback even more priceless. It was so easy to dislike Auburn when Dye was the coach. Auburn fans hated Bowden more than Bama fans, I think, and it's kind of impossible to hate Tommy "the hay is in the barn" Tuberville, unless you happen to be an Ole Miss fan, that is. I'll publish an Auburn win later today to keep my realist perspective in the forefront.

Thursday, November 22, 2007

The Turkey Bowl

 reports that the 84th Annual Turkey Bowl featuring Tuskegee and Alabama State ended in a 51-51 tie in overtime. Scratch that. gives live updates on I-AA games, too. Badass. Tuskegee is now up 58-51 in a game that promises to be far more exciting than the Iron Bowl. I should have driven up to Montgomery to catch the action instead of sitting around watching my fantasy team take a 29-0 lead, due mostly to Detroit's kicker J. Hanson. Bama State has now tied up what might be one of the most exciting games to happen in the state of Alabama in ages. I may have time to catch the finale if I drive to Montgomery pronto. Alabama St. outscored Tuskegee 22-7 in the fourth before taking the game to overtime. Tuskegee just scored again. 64-58! According to my calculations, the two teams are in the 4th OT. I just found out that Tuskegee has outscore opponents by a 440-84 margin up to this point in the season, and Jacary Atkinson, the Golden Tigers' qb has put up "He has piled up 2,425 yards and 27 touchdowns passing. He has completed 59% of his passes and his amazing 188 passing efficiency rating is first in the nation ( He'll definitely be profiled this weekend when I rate the best quarterbacks playing for colleges and universities in the state.
Okay, it appears that Tuskegee has won 64-58. More later on this insane Turkey Bowl finish.

Week 13 quick picks

Week 13 Picks

Middle Tennessee @ Troy: Troy
USC @ Arizona State: USC
Central Michigan @ Akron: Central Michigan
Nebraska @ Colorado: Nebraska
Ole Miss @ Mississippi State: Mississippi State
Wyoming @ Colorado State: Wyoming
Toledo @ Bowling Green: Bowling Green
Arkansas @ LSU: LSU
Texas @ Texas A & M: Texas
Boise State @ Hawaii: Boise State
Miami @ BC: Boston College
Maryland @ North Carolina State: Maryland
Duke @ North Carolina: UNC
South Florida @ Pittsburgh: USF
Virginia Tech @ Virginia: Va. Tech
Connecticut @ West Virginia: West Virginia
Tulane@ East Carolina: East Carolina
Oklahoma State @ Oklahoma: Oklahoma
Missouri @ Kansas: Missouri
Buffalo @ Kent State: Buffalo
Tennessee @ Kentucky: Tennessee
Miami (oh) @ Ohio: Miami (Oh)
Southern Methodist @ Memphis: Memphis
Wake Forest @ Vanderbilt: Wake Forest
Utah @ BYU: BYU
UTEP @ Central Florida: Central Florida
Tulsa@ Rice: Tulsa
Arkansas St. @ Southern Miss: Southern Miss.
Notre Dame @ Stanford: Notre Dame
Oregon @ UCLA: UCLA
Georgia @ Georgia Tech: UGA
UAB @ Marshall: Marshall
Florida State @ Florida: Florida
Kansas State @ Fresno State: Fresno State
Washington State @ Washington: Washington
Louisiana Monroe @ Louisiana Lafayette: ULM
Clemson @ South Carolina: Clemson
Cincinnati @ Syracuse: Cincinnati
Alabama @ Auburn: Alabama
Texas Christian @ San Diego State: TCU

"Thanksgiving, Oh why hast thou forsaken me?"

... as spoken by John Kitna prior to Detroit's yearly embarrassment with the largest number of fans per annual single viewing of a Lions game watching the Motor City Bad Boys of the gridiron swandive through the cranberry sauce into a vault of giblet gravy. Methinks Calvin Johnson forgot to wash his hands after downing a couple of turkey legs before the game's beginning, for the young man does have some greasy fingers today. (Correction: Calvin washed his hands after eating his brussels sprouts at halftime and scored his fourth touchdown of the year.)Ahhh, Thanksgiving is a time for watching NFL football and thinking about some major college rivalries going down this week. The major question that lingers on the minds and plagues the hearts of fans throughout the state where I dined (Alabama) is, "Who will win this year's Iron Bowl?" I'm sure, throughout the state, tables are being overturned, while families and in-laws debate the question with some lively fisticuffs. Luckily, my sister, the PhD candidate at Auburn sat quietly through the meal, as did her badass husband, Shane. No shite-talking occurred. Everyone was pleasant. Nobody mentioned those mighty Warhawks of Louisiana and their Pearl Harboring, err 9/11ing, err genociding escapade in Tuscaloosa, though I'm sure it just happened to slip their minds.

Also, neither my loving father (who last year told a man he could stick his thumb up his motherfucking ass when given the "Beware the thumb" warning prior to the 2006 Iron Bowl) nor I even happened to think of Auburn's somewhat embarrassing loss in Athens as Vern Lundquist cranked dat soulja boy two weeks ago.

Nope, haven't even thought of that one, especially after last Saturday. The Bama realist in me just won't talk shit to Auburn fans ever again. For no matter how sweet the juice of shit talking may be, it's really just not worth the squeeze. Plus, both my sister and her husband can kick my ass, and my dad's too old to fight, so why bother? At least our Thanksgiving meal and holiday was more pleasant for this unspoken agreement. And much, preferrable to the Turkey Day events which transpire in the trailer below, representing what I feel most embody the feeling of queasiness the Lions must feel about making the playoffs after this impending loss to the Green Bay Packers.