Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Bama schedule addition, a late addition to this blog

So, on August 30, 2008, approximately 210 days from today, Alabama will open its football season in the Georgia Dome in Atlanta against Clemson. The addition of the Clemson game makes Bama's schedule a good bit tougher, but if the Tide can pull off a victory against the Tigers, the win will provide some early season momentum. Should be exciting, to say the least.

And, in other Tide-friendly news, Nick Saban hired Jim McElwain to replace Major Applewhite as offensive coordinator. McElwain seems like a good addition, having worked with Saban in the NFL at Cleveland under Bill Belichick. McElwain was hired awa¥ from Fresno State where his run-first spread helped boost the Bulldogs' offense during 2007. More news related to the hiring can be found here.

Saturday, January 26, 2008

Ode To LaDainian Tomlinson as performed by Full Force

During last week's AFC Championship game against the Patriots, LaDainian Tomlinson sat on the bench feeling sorry for himself while Chargers qb Philip Rivers played the game with a torn ACL. Tomlinson's injury must have been insanely severe because he didn't have the strength to cheer on his team during its AFC championship loss. Fast forward (if you wish) to the 7:30 mark of this stellar clip from Reginald Hudlin's classic opus House Party

Friday, January 25, 2008

Oh shit, I was eaten by the Grand Slam crushing monster I created!

I laughed my ass off in disbelief when my dad informed me this morning that Roger Federer lost to Novak Djokovic in straight sets in the Australian Open semifinals, halting Federer's amazing run of 10 consecutive Grand Slam final appearances. Really, this is an amazing feat because it gives Federer a human quality once again and begins the restoration process of the once-interesting game of men's professional tennis. Djokovic will play Jo-Wilfried Tsonga, a Frenchman, in the final on Sunday (Saturday night for Americans). Perhaps this final will signal the onset of an unpredictable year in men's tennis.

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Danny Ware is Important...

Former UGA starter/bust Danny Ware is the 101st most important player in this year's Super Bowl, according to Scouts Inc (as reported by Ware, a late addition to the New York Giants roster is there mostly because Michael Strahan thinks he's kind of cute. Scouts Inc. also rates Eli Manning as the 15th most important player in the Super Bowl, which lends a climate of non-credibility to Scouts Inc.'s ranking system. Okay, how is Plaxico Burress, the 6th most important player going to flex his import if Eli isn't throwing the ball to him? Oh, wait, I forgot the Giants have Jared Lorenzen and Anthony Wright backing up Eli. Man, I would love to see the spread if Anthony Wright started the game against the Pats. Either he or Lorenzen would be amazing in the game. Um, psyche! If Lil Bro Manning or Brady somehow become seriously injured prior to the game, the game would most likely be ripped off the board in Vegas. If Plaxico doesn't play, the spread may increase a point or two. Therefore, Scouts Inc. and ESPN are full of shit, which is not really new news to anyone.

Monday, January 21, 2008


BAsically, I drank myself through the AFC and NFC Championship games. Both games ended up being better and closer than I expected, but, I'll be glad when the Super Bowl is finally over. This year of NFL football has sucked major balls, and now I have to listen to a bunch of shit about how nobody should count The Giants out and how New York is the hottest team and where Eli likes to shop and how Peyton feels about Eli's recent success and whatnot. Damn, I wish the game could be played tomorrow night, so, like, the season will arrive at a concluding juncture. Sigh, okay who wants to come to my Super Bowl Party?

Thursday, January 17, 2008

Fuck fan participation

What I hate the most about or any other major sporting news website are the blurbs featuring fan quotations. It's not as if the quotes that are chosen make one iota of sense. If fan quotes are so important, why even have columnists? Comments are fine, but the interactive nature of sports websites is mindnumbingly awful at this point, because it gives the fan an unnecessary sense of self-importance. As a rule, fans are superstitious, and, in a way, that is what fans have to offer to the game experience. Well, that and drunken rowdiness. But to take random sports fan quotes and paste them onto the front page of ESPN's site is pandering for attention in a way that is shameful, because there are hopeless motherfuckers out there who have nothing else to hope for other than to get a sentence or two about the Red Sox or Barry Bonds or Tony Romo posted on the site. Then, these sports geniuses can promote their quote to their friends and family in an effort to engender more readership on the site. Fucking lame.

Friday, January 11, 2008

The Milk Bet Is Always the best of sporting news

So,presenting a milk bet as a science lab will get a teacher's ass placed on leave. Thanks Flip Scoldjah for alerting me of the existence of the best science teacher ever. I mean, it's not like she fucked her students or anything.

So maybe this is why Darren McFadden has "got that wood."

...for protection, obviously.

Wednesday, January 9, 2008

Pete gone git crunk, shawty?

The Falcons want to discuss making Pete Carroll the new head football coach and director of football operations. Carroll, politely, is willing to listen. However, he's listened to about five other teams who have wanted to hire him. Hmmm, let's think about these options. Carroll can either (a) stay at USC, live in Los Angeles, eat Pinkberry, be in the BCS title hunt every single season, hang out with Will Ferrell and Snoop, keep street cred by recruiting kids in South Central, become an icon and live an totally amazing existence
he could (b) move to Atlanta, turn the Falcons into a 4-12 NFC powerhouse next season, watch his NFL coaching cred diminish even further, lose legendary coaching status, hang out with whiny-ass bitches like DeAngelo Hall, eat at the Varsity and return to college coaching within three years.

Now why do I think he may just stay at USC? Am I fucking Crazy?

Saturday, January 5, 2008

High School All Stars

Man, three high school all-star games is a good deal for any college football fan to take in on an early January Saturday, so I managed to watch only two, the Army and the Under Armor. Here are a few observations from my viewing:
a: Terelle Pryor is going to rule the Big 10 running the veer spread. He's a man playing among boys in this game.
b: Sam McGuffie better hit the Owen Schmitt diet and beef the fuck up. He's a sick athlete, but he pretty much got stuffed every time he ran the ball.
c: Julio Jones doesn't need to play in any all-star games.
d: AJ Green can return the fuck out of a punt.
e: Everybody is fucking going to Michigan.
f: Lil Sean Glennon (Mike) is following in big bro's footsteps.
g: I kept wanting Julio Jones to remove the "undecided" tag and just put on that Bama cap.
h: Where are the Auburn players in the game.
i: Ryan Williams can fucking scat.
j: EJ Manuel may be the spark that FSU needs to actually win some games so Bobby can retire.
K: Josh Jarboe should be a rapper if a football career doesn't work out.

Thursday, January 3, 2008

Fuck marching bands, let's get some classic rock up in this bitch!

As far as halftime bowl entertainment is concerned, the Orange Bowl has straight pulled the coup this year. Fuck a BCS Championship game, fuck West Fucking Virginia, Fuck Hawaii's maori dancing asses and coke dealer/surfer burnout looks, definitely fuck Bonerama and Fuck The Tournament of Roses because ZZ Top played at the Orange Bowl. After the first riff sounded from Billy Gibbons' guitar, the entire Bowl Championship Series becomes an afterthought. That's right ZZ Top came to the Orange Bowl, rocked everyone's souls into submission with Sharp Dressed Man and took off. No medley here. One song was enough to get Frank Beamer's Hokies playing Beamer ball in the second half. That's right, Beamer hired ZZ Top to perform, knowing it would give Va Tech a much-needed second half surge. The conspiracy definitely worked, for Beamer's special teamers only trail by three. Okay, they eventually lost the game, but, without ZZ Top, there's no way VA Tech would have had a punt return for a td in the second half.

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

Quick thoughts about the bowl season thus far

A: Winning a Heisman almost guarantees your team losing its bowl game. This isn't always true, but it seems to work to the other team's advantage most of the time.
B: Joe McKnight is the best freshman running back in the nation.
C: I really should have watched the end of the Texas Tech win over Virginia. 17 points scored by the Red Raiders in under 4 minutes. Man, I fucking love Mike Leach.
D: Hawaii looks like a bunch of extras from Point Break teamed up with extras from The Fast and the Furious to form a Gridiron Gang that gets blown the fuck out in New Orleans by UGA.
E: UGA obviously took the Sugar Bowl very seriously. Now, if the Dawgs can just beat South Carolina and Tennessee next season...
F:Bob Stoops' Oklahoma teams can really play shitty in some bowl games.
G: Missouri deserved a BCS bid this year.
H: USC is once again the best team in the nation at the end of the season. I would love to see a four-team playoff this year.
I: West Fucking Virginia doesn't need Rich Rodriguez to run the spread. The Mountaineers seem to play better defense when he's not present anyway.
J: Auburn managed to slightly impove upon its season scoring average (16.6 ppg) against Clemson during regulation. Given the fact that the Tigers changed offenses a month ago, I would say this only bodes well for the team next year.
K: Jamal Charles is a total fucking badass.
L: Ditto for Tony Temple and Rashard Mendenhall.
M: So far, East Carolina has pulled the biggest bowl upset.
N: The only thing more annoying than the amount of commercials during BCS bowl games is the unnaturally lengthy time spent for bizzarro halftime shows.
O: The On the Road With Todd Blackledge retrospective during the Rose Bowl was a bit much, don't you think.
P: So far, the lower-tier bowl games have been much better than the BCS games.
Q: Kodi Burns is a badass.
R: Bama can blow a lead better than most teams.
S: I don't understand the correlation sports analysts are making today between Michigan beating Florida and Ohio State beating LSU. Don't they understand that each team has its own players. I don't believe in conference karma, do you?
T: Bonerama performing TheNatinal Anthem at the Sugar Bowl? Bomerama! Bonerama! Bonerama???