"Thanksgiving, Oh why hast thou forsaken me?"

... as spoken by John Kitna prior to Detroit's yearly embarrassment with the largest number of fans per annual single viewing of a Lions game watching the Motor City Bad Boys of the gridiron swandive through the cranberry sauce into a vault of giblet gravy. Methinks Calvin Johnson forgot to wash his hands after downing a couple of turkey legs before the game's beginning, for the young man does have some greasy fingers today. (Correction: Calvin washed his hands after eating his brussels sprouts at halftime and scored his fourth touchdown of the year.)Ahhh, Thanksgiving is a time for watching NFL football and thinking about some major college rivalries going down this week. The major question that lingers on the minds and plagues the hearts of fans throughout the state where I dined (Alabama) is, "Who will win this year's Iron Bowl?" I'm sure, throughout the state, tables are being overturned, while families and in-laws debate the question with some lively fisticuffs. Luckily, my sister, the PhD candidate at Auburn sat quietly through the meal, as did her badass husband, Shane. No shite-talking occurred. Everyone was pleasant. Nobody mentioned those mighty Warhawks of Louisiana and their Pearl Harboring, err 9/11ing, err genociding escapade in Tuscaloosa, though I'm sure it just happened to slip their minds.

Also, neither my loving father (who last year told a man he could stick his thumb up his motherfucking ass when given the "Beware the thumb" warning prior to the 2006 Iron Bowl) nor I even happened to think of Auburn's somewhat embarrassing loss in Athens as Vern Lundquist cranked dat soulja boy two weeks ago.

Nope, haven't even thought of that one, especially after last Saturday. The Bama realist in me just won't talk shit to Auburn fans ever again. For no matter how sweet the juice of shit talking may be, it's really just not worth the squeeze. Plus, both my sister and her husband can kick my ass, and my dad's too old to fight, so why bother? At least our Thanksgiving meal and holiday was more pleasant for this unspoken agreement. And much, preferrable to the Turkey Day events which transpire in the trailer below, representing what I feel most embody the feeling of queasiness the Lions must feel about making the playoffs after this impending loss to the Green Bay Packers.